The Five Loves of Nymphadora Tonks
by chelseyb
Summary: Four men that Nymphadora Tonks loved and lost, and one she simply loved. Oneshot. AU.


**Disclaimer: **The world of Harry Potter is not mine; I get only pleasure, not profit. It belongs to JK Rowling.

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><p><strong>The Five Loves of Nymphadora Tonks<strong>

When Tonks was five, she decided she was going to marry her cousin, Sirius Black. It didn't matter that they were related, or that he was a lot older than she was, or that she was years away from being old enough to marry. Giving herself grey eyes that matched his, she stood in her chair at the dinner table one night and proclaimed to the world (which at that time consisted of her parents, Sirius, her dog Chewie, and her goldfish Bubbles) that she was going to marry Sirius. Her mother told her to get off the chair or she would be sent to her room, and furthermore marrying cousins was something _this_ family did not do (it was years before she truly understood that comment). Her father said that she was too young and they would discuss it in a few years, perhaps when she graduated from Hogwarts.

Sirius just laughed and asked why she chose him. She said gravely that if she married him, she would be able to stay up way past her bedtime and eat ice cream for lunch and never, ever have to touch a lima bean again. What she didn't say was that no one could make her laugh like Sirius, that every night she slept with the stuffed hippogriff he gave her when she had dragon pox, that she preferred his lap to her dad's when Mummy read the scary stories she loved. Sirius took to calling her "my little wife" whenever he visited, bringing flowers she killed rapidly when she enthusiastically tried to replant them. Her parents tolerated it, although she was confused when her mum mentioned once that it would be a very funny story to tell her future husband. Why would she have to tell Sirius the story when he was a part of it?

Three years later, he didn't show up like he promised to take her trick-or-treating. She sat by the door all evening waiting in her ghost costume until she finally fell asleep and her dad carried her to bed. The next day she decided they would have to have a serious talk, for husbands shouldn't keep their wives waiting. After a few days, her parents sat her down and told her that Sirius had done something very bad and was in trouble and was never coming back. Tonks wanted to scream and cry, so she did, even though eight was a little old to be throwing a temper tantrum.

**oOo**

When Tonks was sixteen, she believed she would never meet anyone else like Charlie Weasley. Though in the same year, they were in different houses and had never spoken until they literally ran into each other at the beginning of their sixth year. As they each scrambled for their books, their eyes met and she thought she'd never seen anything as lovely as his bright blue eyes. Somehow hasty apologies turned into a ten-minute conversation. She was late for Potions and got a detention and ten points deducted from Hufflepuff, but when Charlie invited her to Hogsmeade a month later, she decided it was worth it.

For the rest of the year they walked hand-in-hand through the corridors. She cheered him on when Gryffindor played Ravenclaw and Slytherin in Quidditch, and even though she wore a yellow and black scarf to the Hufflepuff game, inside she was secretly thrilled when he caught the Snitch. That summer, they visited each other and met their parents. When they returned to Hogwarts, he gave her a bracelet with a dragon charm for their anniversary (she should have seen the signs). Their classmates began taking bets on when the wedding would be, and with the innocence only a first love has, she assumed they would be together forever.

At Easter Charlie announced he had been invited to join a dragon reserve in Romania. A week later she learned she had been accepted into Auror training, pending her NEWT results. For the first time in their relationship, they fought. A lot. A week before term ended, one of their arguments in the middle of Charms landed them both in detention, where they finally decided there was no way to work out a long-distance relationship if neither was willing to move. After she returned to her dormitory that night, Tonks wanted to scream and cry, so she did, but it didn't make her feel better at all.

**oOo**

When Tonks was twenty, she was highly interested in Alexander Clarke, who happened to be her new Auror instructor. By now she was old enough to know what qualities she liked in men, and Alex possessed the three most important: he was older, he was a challenge, and he had nice eyes, brown orbs in which she could lose herself. And she did. It took weeks of flirting, but he finally agreed to go with her to a Weird Sisters concert, where he bought her a t-shirt.

Since he was her instructor, their relationship was strictly forbidden, and that made it all the more fun. She had so many personal training sessions her fellow trainees thought she would fail out for sure. She particularly enjoyed the physical combat exercises that could turn into so much more. On weekends when they went out, she made herself look like a completely different girl so no one would suspect, and he joked that he liked going out with a different woman every Saturday. Only when he began to ask her to change did she suspect it wasn't so much of a joke.

She chafed at keeping it a secret, wanting to tell the world she was in love, but as her final qualification tests drew close, she got excited, for they could finally go public. It never occurred to her that Alex wasn't as excited as she was. The day after her last test, he informed her that he had applied for a transfer to the Hit Wizards. He explained that he felt it was best to end things, as their illicit relationship could hurt his chances. Tonks wanted to scream and cry, so she did, and all it did was hasten his departure from her flat.

**oOo**

When Tonks was twenty-two, she fell in love with Remus Lupin from the moment they met in the Order of the Phoenix. She adored the flecks of gray in his hair and his oddly colored eyes. At first she tried act normally around him, but then Sirius pointed out that she looked at Remus with the same puppy dog eyes that she had, as a young child, reserved for Sirius himself. Abandoning all pretense, she pursued Remus for months, undeterred by his consistent excuses.

At Christmas he gave her a book on historical Metamorphmagi, and she became the reader her mother always wished her to be. They spent more and more time alone, and she found that besides being handsome (in his own way), he was kind and intelligent. Sometimes they spent hours together, talking or simply sitting in silence while each read. His friendship was nice, but she wanted more.

Her enthusiasm flagged over the next year. Not only did she lose her cousin, but her attempts to persuade Remus failed repeatedly. Unable to either convince him she didn't care about his situation or convince herself to move on, she fell into a depression, losing her natural powers. After Dumbledore died she took one last shot, declaring her love in front of everyone, but he rejected her and she'd never felt like more of a fool. Alone and overwhelmed by emotions, Tonks wanted to wanted to scream and cry, so she did, and in the midst of her tears, she realized that if he said he didn't deserve her, maybe he didn't.

**oOo**

When Tonks was twenty-seven, she wondered if she had fallen for Harry Potter. For the past two years, ever since the war ended, she had been his instructor for his Auror training, and they had gradually grown closer. Somehow Harry the awkward teenager had developed into Harry the confident adult, and she appreciated the change. He had the eyes (the most brilliant green eyes she'd ever seen), and he presented the challenge, for just like she and Alex, any romance between the two of them was explicitly against rules. He was younger, seven years in fact, but for once it wasn't a turn-off.

Once Harry asked her if she missed Sirius. She nodded, and with a sad smile that tugged at her heart, he said he did, too. Charlie came back from Romania when Bill and Fleur's first child was born, and over drinks he asked if he could come back to her flat. She almost said yes, but then a memory of Harry telling her about breaking up with Ginny popped into her head, and she declined. She bumped into Alex at one of those formal Ministry functions, and she agreed to dance for old times' sake. When he asked if he could see her again, she saw Harry in the background, frowning slightly at the pair, and she said no. At one of the many Weasley gatherings, Remus told her she looked pretty and asked if they could have coffee someday. Harry told her she was pretty every time she saw him outside of work, and so after agreeing to meet with Remus strictly as friends, she went to sit next to Harry.

A month before his final qualification tests, Harry pinned her during one of their training sessions. Instead of giving her a hand up, as he had so many times, he kissed her. That kiss led to others, and much more, and like every other relationship, she threw herself in headfirst. He made her feel safe like Sirius had, without the blood relation. She knew she'd never meet anyone like him, but unlike Charlie he wasn't going anywhere. For a little while, she had the same thrill of forbidden romance she'd had with Alex, but Harry put her before his career. Harry had more hardships than anyone she knew, but he didn't give in to self-pity like Remus sometimes did.

When they moved in together, she finally cleaned out the last of her things from her mother's attic. Unpacking all the boxes in their new flat, she came across one with a stuffed hippogriff, a dragon charm bracelet, a purple Weird Sisters t-shirt, and a dog-eared book on Metamorphmagi. She smiled and put everything away, except for the shirt. She threw that away; Alex really had been a jerk.

When Harry proposed, Tonks wanted to scream and cry, so she did. And it had never felt better.


End file.
